You know how seeing five birds sitting on a telephone pole is charming but five hundred suddenly feels like an Alfred Hitchock movie?
That's how I'm feeling this morning about mens patterns. Yesterday my package arrived with the twenty-nine vintage mens patterns I'd won on eBay on -- was it only last Thursday? They're all in great condition though they do smell like three decades' worth of Marlboros.
There's some good stuff in here for sure: shorts, shirts, vests, suits, gym clothes, sportcoats...
But -- and this may sound strange, or not -- nothing I haven't seen before, many, MANY times.
The sad truth is that mens patterns are -- dare I think it let alone say it? -- pretty dull.
I mean, where's the male equivalent of the Joan Collins "Dynasty" dress I just made? There ain't one. I doubt too many men would have collected the Dynasty John Forsythe collection. What did he even wear? A suit, dinner clothes, maybe a smoking jacket... Who even cares?
I also think there's something about getting a box of twenty-nine of anything that makes it hard to absorb in one sitting. I used to collect LPs (long-playing record albums -- music to you young'uns) and I remember coming home from the flea market with, say, twenty albums under my arm and never playing any of them; I didn't know where to begin.
BUT if I'd scored one album I was really excited about (Peggy Lee's "Sugar'n'Spice" comes to mind), I might listen to it for days.
Do you hear where I'm coming from, peeps?
I'm sure over time I'll learn to love some of these. And I already plan to ship a few to a short German guy I met through BurdaStyle (apparently there's a real dearth of mens patterns over there). And don't be surprised if my next giveaway is a pattern for double-knit polyester bell-bottoms.
There's a moral here, folks: Don't let your eyes be bigger than your stomach.
I think I've just experienced my first pattern binge. Belch.
P.S. -- THIS is the pattern I'm really excited about, which I picked up yesterday on Etsy:
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